I am listening to music right now...and it's been a while that The Weeknd's got the lead role in it...
Music...it is the second invincible pleasure of mine that I cannot imagine my life without. If music was a soul, one soul, I would pray to it, it would be my only religion, I would pray to it more than 5 times, ready to dedicate myself to it completely..I would thank it every second for always making me feel its presence and for speaking to me when there is nobody present..What I admire about music is that it exactly knows what we want to feel at the moment, it knows why we need it, why we ask it for help and knows very precisely which notes are needed to be played...it feels like it whispers to me:"I gotcha!"
I always left everyone behind, I was always escaping... that was my solution for every problem with the people around me..There was always a feeling that I wouldn't be able to exactly explain myself thus "escape Meg"..I loved escaping, it seemed mysterious to me, escaping to hidden spots that I discovered for myself. Till these days whenever I want to be alone I want to disappear I want to be invisible, I don't want to hear any words I want to listen to silence or music...suddenly the world seems so small, only at that moment I realize how crowded the world is and that I am in the spotlight, it feels like the whole world just collapsed the whole world got sad...abruptly the whole world becomes your heart, the reason why we want to scream is that we see the power and the right to let the whole world know about our pain and hearts..we see it as the world's obligation towards us..we want to see that the world cares.. c'mon world see me, feel me, how come you are so silent to me, my heart just broke, you didn't hear it crack?...
There is something mystical in escaping, it is disappearing, it holds invisibility, it holds worries, it holds questions..most importantly it holds time. When you disappear from somebody's life, time does something magical, time strangely has the power to make everything possible...after escaping and coming back home everything seemed calmer, everything seemed easier, life was moving on behind me, even if it had stopped for me while I was invisibly hiding and thinking and thinking and again thinking..I guess that is one of the explanations of "life"... when we stop living everything else that we think also stopped living in reality continues in its routine and everything finds its own way at the end...misunderstandings stay misunderstood...those cracked parts of the heart are getting healed not by time but it is getting healed by carelessness.. and at that point it all becomes easy to let go.
I have lost the fear of letting go or losing somebody maybe because it happened plenty of times...or maybe it has become my not so favorite childhood tradition..it happened at early ages when I discovered that I simply couldn't hold everybody in my life, some people's roles are to just disappear..
If you ask me how it feels like to not be afraid of a loss, I would say it feels dangerous, it feels empty, it feels selfish but it also feels like I am breathing and it feels like living is still possible...As if life is living and me inside of it.
Music...it is the second invincible pleasure of mine that I cannot imagine my life without. If music was a soul, one soul, I would pray to it, it would be my only religion, I would pray to it more than 5 times, ready to dedicate myself to it completely..I would thank it every second for always making me feel its presence and for speaking to me when there is nobody present..What I admire about music is that it exactly knows what we want to feel at the moment, it knows why we need it, why we ask it for help and knows very precisely which notes are needed to be played...it feels like it whispers to me:"I gotcha!"
I always left everyone behind, I was always escaping... that was my solution for every problem with the people around me..There was always a feeling that I wouldn't be able to exactly explain myself thus "escape Meg"..I loved escaping, it seemed mysterious to me, escaping to hidden spots that I discovered for myself. Till these days whenever I want to be alone I want to disappear I want to be invisible, I don't want to hear any words I want to listen to silence or music...suddenly the world seems so small, only at that moment I realize how crowded the world is and that I am in the spotlight, it feels like the whole world just collapsed the whole world got sad...abruptly the whole world becomes your heart, the reason why we want to scream is that we see the power and the right to let the whole world know about our pain and hearts..we see it as the world's obligation towards us..we want to see that the world cares.. c'mon world see me, feel me, how come you are so silent to me, my heart just broke, you didn't hear it crack?...
There is something mystical in escaping, it is disappearing, it holds invisibility, it holds worries, it holds questions..most importantly it holds time. When you disappear from somebody's life, time does something magical, time strangely has the power to make everything possible...after escaping and coming back home everything seemed calmer, everything seemed easier, life was moving on behind me, even if it had stopped for me while I was invisibly hiding and thinking and thinking and again thinking..I guess that is one of the explanations of "life"... when we stop living everything else that we think also stopped living in reality continues in its routine and everything finds its own way at the end...misunderstandings stay misunderstood...those cracked parts of the heart are getting healed not by time but it is getting healed by carelessness.. and at that point it all becomes easy to let go.
I have lost the fear of letting go or losing somebody maybe because it happened plenty of times...or maybe it has become my not so favorite childhood tradition..it happened at early ages when I discovered that I simply couldn't hold everybody in my life, some people's roles are to just disappear..
If you ask me how it feels like to not be afraid of a loss, I would say it feels dangerous, it feels empty, it feels selfish but it also feels like I am breathing and it feels like living is still possible...As if life is living and me inside of it.
It seems like I've just read my thoughts. Especially about the carelessness and the absence of fear to lose somebody.
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